This letter is over 30 years overdue. I guess the expression, "Better Late Than Never", can apply here, but somehow, it still doesn't seem to fit.
I miss you terribly. I ache to see you just one more time, to hear your laughter fill the room, to feel your touch. How I would cherish you, respect you. I would hold you ever so close.
But this letter is a lot more than what I would do if you were here now...it is a letter of apology. When I think of all the mean things I said to you, how I held you in contempt, how I hated you, I feel embarrassed. But mostly I am ashamed. The feeling of shame is so overwhelming I can hardly breath sometimes. I was NOT a good daughter, much less the friend you wanted me to be.
Most folks my age say their prayers at night...I say, "Good Night, Mommie, I love you". Do you hear me? Can you ever forgive me? Yes, I know I have some justifications...but really, I don't. No matter what mistakes you made, I didn't have to act the way I did...I had a choice, I took the low road! I could have loved you, I could have seen through the craziness and forgiven you.
What mistakes you made were nothing compared to what I did to you. I shut you out of my life, I despised you and for what? Your biggest mistake with me was loving me. I am deeply and regretably sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I lay my soul at your feet and humbly beg your forgiveness.
If you were here today, I would be different, I would know how a loving daughter acts toward her Mother. I would have no regrets. As it is, here I sit, writing this overdue letter.
I love you and I miss you...
Your Loving Daughter,
The Last Lilac Season
3 years ago